Stolen from Tom's blog..... "Death by Powerlifting"
Down this road, in a gym far away,
a young man was heard to say,
"no matter what i do, my legs won't grow"
he tried leg extensions, leg curls, and leg presses , too
trying to cheat, these sissy workouts he'd do.
from the corner of the gym where the big men train,
through a cloud of chalk and the midst of pain
where the noise is made with big forty fives,
a deep voice bellowed as he wrapped his knees.
a very big man with legs like trees.
laughing as he snatched another plate from the stack
chalking his hands and monstrous back,
said, "boy, stop lying and don't say you've forgotten,
the trouble with you is you ain't been SQUATTIN'. "
COURTING THE DEADLIFT
I need to court the dead.
I need to send her roses, think about her while I am sleeping.
I need to tell her that her mother is not really a bitch, but funny in that uniquely stab me in the back kind of way.
I should laugh at all of dead's jokes, even the ones I have hear a million times before.
I should never tell dead she is getting fat, even when she is.
I will tell the dead what she wants, when she wants as long as she cooperates and gets her fat ass up off the floor when I need her to.
It's not like I am asking for a lot from her.
It's not like the squat when she has to get acquainted with my shoulders or the bench where we are having a conjugal visit.
Nope the dead only requires a touch of my hands, and maybe an awkward school boy at his first slow dance rub against my thighs.
Nothing more, not asking her to go all the way.
When I am done with her I promise to set her down lightly, so as not to upset the judges.
Come on Miss Deadlift, won't you be my girl?
I promise to never do the bad shit all men do but only some men get caught at.
I promise to hold you when you ask.
No means no, but never on meet day.
I will scratch your knurling, and make sure you never rust.
Come on baby, this will be great for the both of us.
Miss deadlift, join me in some fun...it will never be boring...
I promise to retire you to a commercial gym when I am done with you so the little bodybuilder boys will just hold you...
never putting any real weight on you...
and give you plenty of mirror time....
-----------TOM ALLRED --------------